Shots Shots Shots

Shots for all!  Actually... just me. (and not the fun kind of shots)...

Picture this... I am someone who has had IVs so many times I can't even list them.  I've had blood taken so often that I don't even remember most of the times.  EVERY SINGLE one of those times, I'm the patient who annoys the doctor or the phlebotomist (I had to look up how to spell that), telling them that I have collapsing veins and that I'm terrified of needles.  Every time, they give me the same annoyed eye-roll and say "You'll be fine.. make a fist... don't watch".... like they have to tell me.
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES!!!!!

But now, here we are....
On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to be taught how to give myself injections.  I was a nervous wreck, and Keith couldn't go with me... so Mom graciously volunteered to go for moral support.  Surprising to us all (the nurse included), it didn't go that badly!  The nurse could tell I was freakin out so she gave me a "practice belly", which was like a little gel mouse pad lookin thing, to try sticking a few times.  After one time, I was ready to get it over with.  The nurse told me she couldn't believe how brave I was... neither could my mom... neither could I.
It was time to put the practice-belly aside, and actually do it.  So I prepped my poor little belly and did it.... no hesitation.  I didn't feel the needle at all going in.  The medicine however burned like hell.
That night, I was ready to do it again... (I have to give myself shots every 12 hours)... but it didn't go as well as I had hoped.
I think without the audience... or more like the PRESSURE, I was much more reluctant.  But eventually, I did it.  Again, I didn't feel the needle but the medicine was awful as I pushed down on the little plunger thing.
The next morning (Wed morning), I got up when the alarm went off, gave myself my shot and went on with my day... no problem.  Wed night was another story.  I blame it on the stressful day I had at work coupled with my recent surge of uncontrollable hormones.  I was hysterical come shot time.... right around 7:15 (which I have deemed "nightly shot time"), my anxiety was out-of-control.  Even with Keith's mild-tempered words, I wasn't able to compose myself.  It took me 30 minutes to give myself my shot.  Keith had to implement "tough love" and had to talk me through it and count down until I actually did it.
Since then, I've been okay.  I realize that I don't have a choice in this matter.  There is no sense in continuing to stress over giving myself shots (which when I began to do this, was like breaking my own arm).  I'm now 7 shots in and I feel much more comfortable with what is going to be a daily routine for the next 8 months plus.  The worst part has been the pain that lasts about 10 minutes after I give myself the shot of the pain dispersing... that shit burns!  Also, my poor stomach looks like there has been a purple Sharpie explosion... I have lots of little bruises... but who cares - I'm the only one lookin at my belly (for now) anyway...
I've done a lot of research on the risks of the shots and more importantly, the PURPOSE of them.  They are coagulants which thin my blood further, to prevent blood clots, since I'm at high risk for them... and furthermore helping to prevent miscarriage.

I have to focus on why I'm doing this.  When I picture what is growing inside of me and think of how important this is, not only for the health of my growing baby, but for me... I don't even think twice about something that just a week ago made me pass out just at the thought.